Elementary years

My elementary years were pretty nice when it came to friends. I never questioned who I talked to. Even though I was a shy kid, I still had friends at the time. During those times, people didn’t group themselves, we talked to whoever. Even after school, I hung out with whoever. Kids just get along well so easily. Girls and boys, gender wasn’t a big deal. Unfortunately, friendships change as you get older. A year before entering middle school, I hung out with mainly boys. It wasn’t because I got attention from them, in fact I wasn’t even called pretty by them, but because of our interests. I remember that back then we would collect wrestling magazines and then trade after we were done with ours. Living at an apartment meant that I had plenty of neighbors. My friends and I would take turns going to each others’ homes to play video games or even play four-square. I felt more like myself with the boys I hung out with. I was childish, yet so were they. But the time came where I had to move out of Texas and move to Florida. I had to lose my friends.

Middle school friendships

In middle school, the majority of my friends were female. Of course, since I’m one myself, I guess it makes sense. If I were to hang out with boys, I’d be judged. Not only that, it’s middle school, kids change. I was even a part of what you would call a “squad” and out of the eight girls, I was what you called a “good girl.” It was hard for me to ever be harsh to anyone, then again, I never wanted to hurt someone. I kept things in. I was not good with boys either, if anything I didn’t even liked being approached by them. It got to the point where I even questioned my sexuality, but turns out that I just didn’t like receiving such attention. Then again, out of my friends, I received the less attention well because I was just awkward and not even that attractive. Out of school, it was rare to hang out with most of these girls. A good five of them lived in the same neighborhood. And I lived a good ten minutes away, which doesn’t seem far now since i’m older. I did feel left out though. Not just distance wise, but in general. Back then, everyone had their group of friends. I hung out with well….. my hispanic friends. And like I mentioned, part of me felt left out. They didn’t mistreat me, but I was the only one who was pale. I was the only one who would obsess over rock bands. I was the only one who didn’t like make-up. I was the only one who never had a boyfriend. I was the only one who never had the guts to approach others, I was a shy kid. I didn’t think that at the time, I could ever make new friends. It got to the point where problems occurred. I wasn’t involved in the drama, I don’t even remember the reason for the beefing  either. All I remember is that two of those girls, well they had problems. If I remember correctly, the reason was well stupid and immature. That’s besides the point, the remaining girls even chose sides. I did not, I talked to both sides. I did not talk crap, but I did listen. I should’ve done more than just listened. The drama continued on until our eighth grade year came to an end. And thus, the friendships ended.



Oh how things have changed when I finally started high school. The summer before entering the ninth grade, I was discovering myself. I’m still in the process. That’s why I felt like a new person Not because of a new hair cut or clothes, but my mindset. I was very opinionated. I no longer kept thoughts in, whether it was harsh, I’d let out the things on my mind. This was not because I was intentionally trying to be mean, no… I was still as considerate as ever. I just didn’t want to be a pushover. Old friends did not like that, some of these old friends would even talk shit behind my back. I was not hurt, just disappointed. I made plenty of new friends in high school. Different genders, different ages, different race and ethnicity. People liked me. I became very sociable, but it wasn’t forced. I was still immature, but at the same time, part of me was becoming mature. I didn’t change for anyone, I changed for myself. I started showing off my artistic side, my weird side, friendly side, yet also my bitchy side. I made myself stand out in a good way. I even won two superlatives for being the most unique and most artistic out of all my classmates. I wasn’t even ashamed of the image I was displaying, I felt happy with who I am. And met countless people along the way. As in for old friends, the good ones were still a part of my life. You just need to talk things out and accept others for who they are.



Of course friendships don’t last forever. I dealt with a situation that has changed my attitude to push people away. It’s like I didn’t have the energy to talk to people once I started college. I have friends, just not as much. It gets to the point where I even miss certain individuals from time to time. I lost people who I cherished and never thought would be out of my life. That is why I am grateful for who currently is in my life. I am still making new friends, I even managed to meet other weirdos because of my major. But as time passes, everything continues to change. Including myself.


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