Friendships

Elementary years

My elementary years were pretty nice when it came to friends. I never questioned who I talked to. Even though I was a shy kid, I still had friends at the time. During those times, people didn’t group themselves, we talked to whoever. Even after school, I hung out with whoever. Kids just get along well so easily. Girls and boys, gender wasn’t a big deal. Unfortunately, friendships change as you get older. A year before entering middle school, I hung out with mainly boys. It wasn’t because I got attention from them, in fact I wasn’t even called pretty by them, but because of our interests. I remember that back then we would collect wrestling magazines and then trade after we were done with ours. Living at an apartment meant that I had plenty of neighbors. My friends and I would take turns going to each others’ homes to play video games or even play four-square. I felt more like myself with the boys I hung out with. I was childish, yet so were they. But the time came where I had to move out of Texas and move to Florida. I had to lose my friends.

Middle school friendships

In middle school, the majority of my friends were female. Of course, since I’m one myself, I guess it makes sense. If I were to hang out with boys, I’d be judged. Not only that, it’s middle school, kids change. I was even a part of what you would call a “squad” and out of the eight girls, I was what you called a “good girl.” It was hard for me to ever be harsh to anyone, then again, I never wanted to hurt someone. I kept things in. I was not good with boys either, if anything I didn’t even liked being approached by them. It got to the point where I even questioned my sexuality, but turns out that I just didn’t like receiving such attention. Then again, out of my friends, I received the less attention well because I was just awkward and not even that attractive. Out of school, it was rare to hang out with most of these girls. A good five of them lived in the same neighborhood. And I lived a good ten minutes away, which doesn’t seem far now since i’m older. I did feel left out though. Not just distance wise, but in general. Back then, everyone had their group of friends. I hung out with well….. my hispanic friends. And like I mentioned, part of me felt left out. They didn’t mistreat me, but I was the only one who was pale. I was the only one who would obsess over rock bands. I was the only one who didn’t like make-up. I was the only one who never had a boyfriend. I was the only one who never had the guts to approach others, I was a shy kid. I didn’t think that at the time, I could ever make new friends. It got to the point where problems occurred. I wasn’t involved in the drama, I don’t even remember the reason for the beefing  either. All I remember is that two of those girls, well they had problems. If I remember correctly, the reason was well stupid and immature. That’s besides the point, the remaining girls even chose sides. I did not, I talked to both sides. I did not talk crap, but I did listen. I should’ve done more than just listened. The drama continued on until our eighth grade year came to an end. And thus, the friendships ended.

Highschool

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Oh how things have changed when I finally started high school. The summer before entering the ninth grade, I was discovering myself. I’m still in the process. That’s why I felt like a new person Not because of a new hair cut or clothes, but my mindset. I was very opinionated. I no longer kept thoughts in, whether it was harsh, I’d let out the things on my mind. This was not because I was intentionally trying to be mean, no… I was still as considerate as ever. I just didn’t want to be a pushover. Old friends did not like that, some of these old friends would even talk shit behind my back. I was not hurt, just disappointed. I made plenty of new friends in high school. Different genders, different ages, different race and ethnicity. People liked me. I became very sociable, but it wasn’t forced. I was still immature, but at the same time, part of me was becoming mature. I didn’t change for anyone, I changed for myself. I started showing off my artistic side, my weird side, friendly side, yet also my bitchy side. I made myself stand out in a good way. I even won two superlatives for being the most unique and most artistic out of all my classmates. I wasn’t even ashamed of the image I was displaying, I felt happy with who I am. And met countless people along the way. As in for old friends, the good ones were still a part of my life. You just need to talk things out and accept others for who they are.

College

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Of course friendships don’t last forever. I dealt with a situation that has changed my attitude to push people away. It’s like I didn’t have the energy to talk to people once I started college. I have friends, just not as much. It gets to the point where I even miss certain individuals from time to time. I lost people who I cherished and never thought would be out of my life. That is why I am grateful for who currently is in my life. I am still making new friends, I even managed to meet other weirdos because of my major. But as time passes, everything continues to change. Including myself.

 

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Big dreams

How Naruto affected my life

You ever start watching a show, get so into it, and can’t imagine what life would be without it anymore? It’s like being trapped and there’s no way out. I question if i’m even a fangirl because my love is so great for Naruto. It all started after playing the Naruto video game with my cousin. Video games usually start my interests in things, but that’s besides the point. The game was a fighting game, usually my favorite, and I couldn’t help but notice the amount of characters this game included. Because I enjoyed playing the game, I eventually decided to look more into it on Youtube.

 

Middle school nerd

I was in the sixth grade, my free days usually consisted of gaming. But one day after school, instead of picking up my controller, I grabbed my phone and went to Youtube. Whenever I am browsing on Youtube, I am usually watching music videos. Not that day, I was curious more on the show and gave it a try. I was hooked! I loved the first episode that I began binge watching. As the days passed, I became more and more interested. Then it happened, I created my own ninja characters. It seems silly, but I enjoyed myself. For every character, I would give them a distinct look and own personality. Since at the time I was on the first series, I drew characters around the same age group. They were young teenagers. By the end of my seventh grade year, I noticed that the design of the newer characters were different from my first ones. That’s when I decided to switch it up. I loved the characters I first started drawing. So I decided to recreate them and make them look better. Therefore I did just that. I was impressed with their before and after appearances. By my mid eighth grade year, I had around fifty or more different characters, and kept them all in my binder. I enjoyed talking about them to my mother, and sisters. And their compliments warmed my heart.

 

How do I feel about it

Life started changing for me after high school, to the point where I didn’t continue on with my characters. Thinking about it, people may look at me as a loser or may think that I’ve had no life with the time I spent drawing. But it was a hobby, and I remember one thing, I was happy. If anything, I realized that I became more miserable growing up. I do think that the idea of just drawing out characters and giving them a background history is a bit silly. But that was only because I never believed that they could’ve came to life. With my growing knowledge, my mindset is still changing. I still carry the binder with my previous work, I could recreate everyone if I make the time. And who knows, maybe in a few years, there could be more to it. I’m still young, I am still learning as I get older. It makes me happy even remembering that I took the time to draw as much as I did back then. I definitely see myself getting back to it.